Umbridge vs McGonagall
by Crookykanks
Summary: Songfic to 'Get Off My Back' from Spirit. Reivew!


Disclaimer: You know the dish...belongs to JK...Song belongs to Brian Adams...blah blah  
  
A/N First songfic. I hope this doesn't come out in blue...  
  
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I awoke that morning in a particularly bad mood to begin with. So bad, in fact, that when Filius Flitwick began talking in his cheerful liitle voice in the staff room, I nearly poured my coffee all over him to stop his irritating high pitched voice.  
  
/Well you think that you can take me on,  
  
You must be crazy/  
  
The fact that I later recieved a note in Dolores Umbridge's horrid handwriting, didn't help at all. The tiny note said that I was to be "inspected" during my fifth year Gryffindor class. What that meant, I could only imagine, and for some odd reason, I wasn't imagining anything pleasant. I decided right then and there that the best way to handle this situation, was to ignore it completly and continue teaching as usual.  
  
/There ain't a single thing you've done   
  
that's gonna phaze me/  
  
Unfortuately, the "inspector" was Umbridge herself. Otherwise, my technique might have actually worked.  
  
I headed into the classroom a bit more forcefully than usual since I was trying not to shout at the overgrown toad in the corner to get the heck out of my class.  
  
"That will do," I said firmly as I reached my desk. Amazingly the class quited down. Maybe they could sense that I resort to stricter than usual punishments if not obeyed, "Mr. Finnagin, kindly come here and hand back the homework-- Miss Brown, please take this box of mice--" she gave me a look of pure horror, "don't be silly, girl, they won't hurt you--and hand one out to each student"  
  
"Hem, hem"  
  
/Oh, but if you want to have a go  
  
I just want to let you know/  
  
I heard Umbridge give her little cough as softly as she could. I decided to stick to the original plan and ignore it entirely.  
  
"Right then," I continued as Finnagin and Brown took their seats, "everyone, listen closely" I noticed Mr. Thomas poking his mouse with his wand tip; it was doing numerous tap dances, "Dean Thomas if you do that to the mouse again, I shall put you in detention--most of you have now sucessfully vanished your snails, even those with a certain amount of shell left have the gist of the spell. Today we will be--"  
  
"Hem, hem"  
  
/Get off of my back and into my game  
  
Get out of my way, and out of my brain  
  
Get outta my face, or give it your best shot  
  
I think it's time you better face the fact,  
  
Get off of my back/  
  
Umbridge coughed louder this time, as though she thought I hadn't heard her. Better get this over with before she screams at me to get my hearing checked.  
  
"Yes," I said icily, wheeling around angrily to face her.  
  
"I was just wondering, Professor," she said in her annoying bitter-sweet voice, "whether you recieved my note telling you the date and time of your inspec--" Her voice was dirving me mad.  
  
"Obviously I recieved it," I said in a voice that would send chills up the Dark Lord's spine, "or I would have asked you what you are doing in my classroom" I turned back to the class making a mental note that she looked even more like a bullfrog when seated. "As I was saying, today we will be practicing the altogether more difficult vanishment of mice. Now the vanishing spell--"  
  
"Hem, hem"  
  
/You know it's all just a game that I'm playing  
  
Don't think that you can find a way in  
  
That's what I'm saying/  
  
I didn't even wait for her to say what ever she had interrupted me for. The ugly old toad was toast.  
  
"I wonder," my anger now seethed through my words, "how you expect to gain an idea of my usual teaching methods if you continue to interrupt me? You see, I do not generally permit people to talk when I am talking." A good slap in the face would have had a less pleasing effect, though she did rather look as though I had slapped her. Thankfuly, she didn't reply, though she did begin scribbling loudly on her clipboard. I wasn't really interested in her opion right now.  
  
"As I was saying, the Vanishing Spell becomes more difficult with the complexity of the animal to be vanished. The snail being an invertebrate..." I don't know why I continue to lecture the half asleep class. I could tell most of them were in what Dumbledore appropriately dubbed "La-La Land". Only Miss Granger seemed to be paying attention, as usual. The only reason to keep talking was to give Umbridge a class to "inspect".  
  
/Oh if you want to have a go  
  
I just want to let you know/  
  
I made sure that Umbridge didn't follow me around the classroom by shooting reproachful glances in her direction every time she shifted her weight in the chair.  
  
When class ended, I told the students to pack their things and get out of the classroom. I tried to escape quickly as well, but Umbridge managed to catch me  
  
/Get off of my back and into my game  
  
Get out of my way, and out of my brain  
  
Get outta my face, or give it your best shot  
  
I think it's time you better face the fact,  
  
Get off of my back/  
  
"How long have you been teaching at Hogwarts?" she asked nonchalantly. I failed to see the relavance in the question. I did notice that Potter, Weasley, and Granger were evidently eavesdropping on us. It doesn't take anyone a full minute to close a book, put that book in a back pack and walk out a door.  
  
"Thirty-nine years this December." I replied shortly, not looking up at her toad-like face. She made one last note one the clipboard.  
  
"Very well, you will recieve the results of your inspection in ten days time."  
  
"I can hardly wait," I said, not really caring at all, "Hurry up you three," I called to the eavesdropping students. If they had to hear our conversation, could they at least be a bit more secretive about it? I saw Potter flash a small smile at me. I returned it before rushing out of the room.  
  
/Get off of my back and into my game  
  
Get out of my way, and out of my brain  
  
Get outta my face, or give it your best shot  
  
You know this train is coming off this track,  
  
Get off of my back/   
  
Let it be known, I passed the inspection, barely. Points were only taken off for "arguing with the High Inquistor of Hogwarts" Oh, well. I'm paying the Weasley twins good money to give her as much trouble as possible, and she has yet to find about that, and the compromise I made with Peeves. Life can be so sweet...  
  
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A/N first songfic! Wow! Not really that hard. I don't really have Microsoft Word right now, so this was done on NotePad. If it turns out blue, I have nothing to do with it, that's my crazy Computer's fault. It's been doing tht lately. I'll post next chapter of "Teacher's Christmas" this week!  
  
^-^ (meow!) 


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